when he's calling for y o u [xavier]

[adalae ashlinn parkes.]

Addie's feet shifted on the gravel, her eyes staring down at the water. She wasn't going to jump, although she didn't think anything would happen if she did. She just wanted to think, spend some alone time out in the open. She didn't like just sitting around the house, and plus she had nothing to do. It was only a little breezy, but Adalae barely felt it. She was too wrapped up in her own thoughts to feel much of anything, or hear much of anything for that matter. Lately she'd been dwelling far too much on her father's death, but not today. This time, her mind was revolving around her change, who she had been, not who she was known as right now.

She knew who she had been, but her question to herself was if she could go back to that. She had put up her wall so quickly, without stopping to think. And how was she supposed to push it back down? Everyone would think she was joke. A nice Adalae just wasn't possible in most people's minds. Annie and Xavier had always known the nice Addie, but no one else had. No one except her parents. Ada's fingers closed around her charm bracelet, the little boom box making an impression on her skin. A gift from her mother. For Ada's thirteenth birthday. She bit her lip, shifting her footing again without releasing the bracelet.

She could do this. She knew she could. She half-smiled, running her finger over the boom box charm, remembering the conversation she'd had with her mother when she'd opened it. 'Because you'll always be my little dancer.' "But Mom, what if people don't want to watch me dance?" 'Then dance like they're not watching, Adalae. If you love it, you're the only one who matters.' And she'd always danced like no one was watching her, like she was the only one that mattered. But she'd stopped dancing. She'd stopped doing what she loved because it hurt so much. But not anymore. She'd taken to wearing the charm because it reminded her to just dance, have fun, and believe in herself.

"Your little dancer, Mom."

[Xavier Huntington]

Xavier had noticed a lot of tension with Addie lately, and she had a right to have it. Her father had died, and while not many other people knew, she had told Xavier. It seemed that Annie and Addie were barely speaking, not because they were fighting or didn't want to. but because they were both pained by their father's death. No one else had seemed to notice the thoughts radiating from them the day of the fight, their deepest thoughts of their father. Xavier had made sure Addie told him so he didn't seem like he was intruding on her thoughts. It was bad enough having to hear each others thoughts, but having it happen when you didn't want someone snooping around in them just wasn't fair. It also wasn't fair for the girls since their thoughts were a lot more private than most of the guys. The guys usually openly said at least a little something about things on their mind, girls just held it in he noticed. Especially the girls of the La Push pack.

Xavier wasn't exactly stumbling onto Addie out of nowhere as he reached the cliffs. He had actually been following her and keeping a close eye on her since he found out. He didn't let her no and he usually kept his distance, but today he wouldn't. She obviously needed him and as her best friend, he was obligated to be there for her, but also needed to be. Her emotions pulled on his heart strings as though she were plucking them like a guitar. Things that happened to her very directly happened to him in the way of emotions. Xavier cared a lot for Addie, he always had, but there would still be that like separating the need of friendship and the want of a relationship. For the most part, he didn't consciously acknowledge the presence of feelings lurking deep within him for his best friend, but they were there.

Xavier silently walked towards Addie, not breaking the thoughts that were in her mind. Honestly, he was afraid she might jump or accidentally fall, and it scared the living crap out of him. He had never felt as protective of anyone as much as he was of his sisters, except for Addie. He wasn't sure if it was her being a fellow werewolf, or that she was his best friend, but either way, he had a strong pull of desire to protect her. She meant a lot to him, something that most times didn't occur with usual girls. He had a girlfriend - Kyla, but there were many differences in his feelings for the two, feelings he had yet to come to terms with, or begin to understand. He made his way next to Addie peering emotionless over the edge of the cliffs. He had jumped off them many times, knowing fully well he wouldn't get hurt very bad and if he did he would heal quickly. It was the side of him that was for adventure that always jumped. Today however, it wasn't about physical pretenses at all - it was all about the emotional turmoil his best friend was facing and how he had decided to take on some or all of it for her to ease her burdens. "Addie..how are you today?" he asked still looking out in front of him instead of at her. He was afraid to meet her eyes and see the pain in there whether on the surface or deep down.

"You can still talk to me you know" he prodded, with a smile. It seemed like she had been doing this on her own for a while now, and since he hadn't wanted to push, he had stayed away. Today however, he could stay away no longer. "What are best friends for?" he asked finally looking at her. She seemed contemplative instead of being as depressed as she had been. It was refreshing to see that she was thinking something over instead of reacting instantly to her emotions. Xavier, the tough guy, was cracking and all because he couldn't stand to see Addie, his best friend feel pain or anguish. Xavier Huntington really cared about a girl, to an extent he was yet aware of.

[adalae ashlinn parkes.]

She was the one holding herself back. She was the reason she'd stopped dancing, she was the reason a majority of the people she knew tried to stay on her good side. It was her fault, not theirs, not her mother's, not her father's. Hers. Releasing the charm, she glanced down at the water again, then let her eyes travel up at the somewhat cloudy sky. "It's my chance to make it right. And I will, Mom. I swear." Her voice was only a whisper, but when her eyes traveled back to the water she noticed something out of her peripherals before hearing the voice. She would have known that voice anywhere. Xavier. Biting her lip, she shrugged. "I'd say fine, but you're much smarter than that," she replied.

He knew, of course, about her father. And he'd always known about her mother. But this time, what he didn't know was how much it really, truly hurt her not to have parents anymore. When her mother had died, it had killed her inside. But this was multiplied so many more times over that sometimes, she just felt like collapsing right where she was. With her mother, there was no way to stop it. But now... There had been, and she hadn't even done it. Her guilt made the pain so much worse, but it was more than just that. It was the fact that, no matter how independent she might have acted, she had always been daddy's little girl. And now she couldn't be anymore.

She smiled when he spoke again. "There isn't much to talk about, though. Just... Old stuff." Turning to face him, she wondered if he knew exactly what old stuff she was talking about. Since her thoughts had gone to her mom, that was all she had to talk about, to wonder about. "I mean, I've just been thinking about my mom lately. And... Dance," she explained, rattling her charm bracelet to shake it back down on her wrist. Oh yeah, and the fact that I happen to love my best friend in the world. No biggie. Yeah, like she was going to tell him that. He had a girlfriend. And there was no way Addie was just going to spill her feelings after keeping them bottled up for so long. Not that she didn't want to, but she needed him right now. And if she told him, she wouldn't be able to have him. She couldn't risk that.

[Xavier Huntington]

He gave a small lighthearted laugh as he came up beside her and sat down. He put his arms around her hugging her and moving her tightly around him. Her warmth gave him chills up his spine. He was a werewolf, so although it was colder out today that is usually was, he didn't take much time to notice. Being a super heater in all senses, and then also holding a girl who was the same in temperature as you didn't allow you to feel cold. The thing was, his mind didn't register that. He wasn't trying to hold her to get rid of the cold in the air - he was trying to hold her and make the cold emotions go away. "I guess I am smarter than that, but only towards you Addie. I've known you forever, and besides in a pack like this, there isn't much to hide." he explained knowing very well he didn't need the pack to read Addie. He didn't need them to be anything more, just friends. He could read her emotions in her eyes, her meaning behind her words. He'd been able to since they met, and he was sure she probably hated it sometimes. He tried not to voice his knowledge of how she was out loud as much anymore, knowing it could become annoying like it seemed to him a while back. All he wanted to do now was to take away the things she was feeling. He wanted her to start living again.

"Anything, whether past, present, old, new - all of it is something you can talk to me about. You won't lose me ever, okay? And talking about the same things could help you. It won't bother me." he paused, glancing over at her before looking at the water below. "I never want to see you hurting, Addie. I want you to be safe. Mind and body. And right now, I think your mind is going in all sorts of directions and leaving you without any. That is what I am here for. Give you direction."

[/b] He gave her a quick squeeze and let go, leaving on arm around her. "I think you should start dancing again. Your mom would want you to."[/b] he said, being careful about his words. Addie was the strong one, out of the twins, and out of their friendship. She'd always been the strongest person he had known. She could take so much from life and still handle it, maybe not be happy, but deal. Other people shut off, changed. Addie might have to other people, but never to him. She kept their friendship intact and the same as always.

"You are strong. After everything I have seen you go through, you hold your head up and you stay strong. I admire that. I wish I could be like that. Your spirit amazes me with each day that passes. I'm glad you are my best friend."[/b] he said, smiling, his eyes not on her. It was hard to understand the racing thoughts moving through his brain. Did he care for her as more than a friend? What was going on? He couldn't answer any of the questions. All he knew was he had an overwhelming need to be by her, to help her, to protect her. He didn't care if that meant taking whatever pain came her way. Letting her hurt in any form was out of the question. Addie was starting to change everything in him and he had known it for a long time, and now, all he needed was to understand it. Was it possible - did Xavier Huntington finally find a girl to love?

(Okay, I was really tired and just woke up but I wanted to get my post done for you. Hope you like it. )[/blockquote][/size]

[adalae ashlinn parkes.]

Her own odd, wolfy temperature may have been warm, but that didn't stop a feeling of warmth from spreading through her at his touch. She fell next to him on the ground, a light laugh escaping her lips. It wasn't forced or insincere, and she knew Xavier would know that. The laugh was real, but Adalae didn't know why she'd laughed. That meant something to her. She hadn't just laughed for no reason in years, longer than she probably knew. It felt weird, but she liked it. It made her feel one step closer to changing back, being her old, teenage self. Only older, smarter, and completely parentless. No, Addie! Stop thinking about that. She bit her lip, her fingers moving back to her charm bracelet, running over it subconsciously. "I don't think it's just me. But even when there isn't much to hide, well. I've still managed to keep things hidden." If there was one thing Adalae was good at, it was keeping things she wanted hidden, hidden. No one in the pack but Annie and Xavier knew some of her secrets. She even knew how to keep things from her twin, although that was only if it was to protect her. There were certain things that she couldn't risk saying to Annie, but keeping them bottled up was bad for Ada. In which case, she told Xavier, the only other person she completely trusted.

She thought about that for a moment. "No. I don't want to live in the past anymore. That's what I've been doing. I shut people out because of my past, Xav. All I've done is let the past control my future and my present and I don't want to anymore. I can't anymore," she rambled, her voice caught somewhere between whiny and decisive. Only Adalae could manage a cross like that. And losing him. He couldn't know that. "Don't make promises, you won't ever know if you can keep them," she muttered, more to herself than anything. She couldn't let him know. She knew she could lose him and she tried not to think about it. His words lingered in her head, keeping her silent as she thought that over. He was right. She was lost, going in circles. There wasn't any direction. She wanted the same thing he wanted for her - for him to be safe and not hurting, but maybe the way she was was affecting him. She couldn't think of the right words to respond, so she just stayed silent, biting her lip again when he mentioned dancing. "I know she would. And I'm going to. There was a confidence in her voice that meant she'd already made up her mind about that. She had.

She stood up abruptly, wrapping her arms around her stomach. "So what if I'm strong? That hasn't gotten me anywhere! People are scared of me, and for what? Because I put up a rock hard wall that no one would dare try and break?" Her voice had risen, her eyes dark and staring at the water again. She didn't want to be strong anymore. "I'm not strong inside. You may not be able to see the pain that's had my heart since that stupid car crash, but it's there, and it gets worse all the time. I'm not strong. I never was. I'm just a very, very good actress." There were tears in her eyes, her voice getting closer to a whisper on every word. She wasn't strong and she didn't want to be. She could defend herself, sure, and protect who she loved, but every single day hurt because she didn't have a mother, and now that was doubled because she didn't have her father. Adalae was still a little girl at heart, and that had never helped the pain. But she needed him. She needed him more than she would ever let him know, and that need was the reason for the warmth she'd felt when he'd hugged her. She needed to know he was there. That he wasn't going to stop caring. Even though sometimes her doubts made her say some pretty stupid things, it didn't matter. She needed him.

In more ways than one.

[Xavier Huntington]

There weren't many people in Xavier's life that he was willing to be so open and honest with. His sisters didn't even get that pleasure most of the time. They usually got what they wanted, and sure they made him do impossible things like he was a dog doing a test for a competition, but no one had ever seen him the way Addie could. There was that, and the fact that he never let anyone see him the way she did. When you are someone's best friend, you give over to them all rights to analyze you, see you, and pick fun at you for however long they see fit. He had never been more open with someone than he was with Ads. The fact that she had something hidden from him really surprised him. He was so good at reading her, so good at understanding what she might be feeling. He had never stopped to think of any possibility where she had anything left to hide. He laughed a little as she admitted that she did in fact have some things left unspoken. "Okay then. What exactly is it that you have managed to hide from me of all people?" He was amused with this idea, and had to see if she was being absolutely serious.

He stopped short as she went out on what he was saying. She seemed almost afraid to be who she was before. He had never minded though. He loved her for all she was, he loved her just as any best friend should, or at least, that was what he thought. "You don't have to live in the past, Addie. But you can't totally forget it. No matter how horrible a past is, it helps build the people we have become, and how we will continue to change and adapt as the time goes on. Sometimes you have to build from the past so you can have a better future." Giving up your past could be like giving up who you are. How you learn from your past, or understand it, is most often times how you measure who you've become because of it. There is nothing wrong with that, and he wanted Addie to see that. "Addie, trust me. No matter what. I am always going to be here for you, okay? I will never leave you. I love you - I am your best friend. I wouldn't go giving that up for anything, alright? So trust me. This is a promise that I know for certain I can keep. He smiled at himself as he thought on in. "Besides, when have you ever known the Xavier Huntington to go back on a promise? I can tell you when - never." It was true. A promise made was a promise kept in his book, and he couldn't remember a time he had made a promise and not kept it. In fact, he was sure he never had.

He let out a sigh as she went off. He had been expecting as much. He didn't mind - he understood she was going through a lot. What he didn't understand, was how, somewhere in her mind, she could still have guilt, still blame herself for what had happened. He stood up as she finished, and held her to him tightly. "I see your pain, Addie, and I feel it to. I feel for every ache you have to feel. I wish I could take it all away, promise you that you'll feel better, but I can't. All I can do is promise I am here for you, and that I will be. His heart was aching for her, wanting to take away all her pain and suffering and feel it for her. He couldn't stand to see his Addie feel this way. It wasn't right. "Addie. You need to understand something." His voice was firm but kind, and almost pleading. "None of this was your fault. Things happen. I personally believe they happen for a reason. I know it hurts, and I know it is hard to see, and that hurt inside might never heal. But you have to know, that it was not your fault. Even if you went back in time, you couldn't have stopped it from happening."

[/b] He didn't go any further. He now let the sound of the wind circle around them, and the silence set in. He just wanted to hold her until the pain went away, and so he would.
[/blockquote][/size]

[adalae ashlinn parkes.]

Annie Parkes and Xavier Huntington were the only two people in Adalae's life that knew every single thing there was to know about her, aside from the things she decided not to tell them. No one but them knew that she had danced. No one but them knew her middle name anymore - she had gone by it as a little girl, then decided she didn't want to anymore. That was one of the things Xavier still didn't know - why she had stopped going by her middle name. It wasn't like it was important, and Adalae hadn't ever thought to tell him. Besides, both he and Annie still held the rights to call her Ash, Ashley, Ashlinn, or whatever else they might feel like using from her middle name, so it wasn't like it mattered. Then there was the sleepwalking - Ada knew it would bother him as much as it would bother Annie, so she had made sure neither of them knew. There was also the fact that she had glanced at her sister's private instant messages on more than one occasion, but Adalae couldn't tell either of them that, either. Xavier would either make her tell Annie herself or go ahead and do it for her, she knew that all too well. "Well, if I told you, they wouldn't exactly be secret anymore, now would they?" she asked, not really caring whether or not he wanted to know. She would only tell him about her name - there was a reason she kept things hidden, there always was.

She shook her head fiercely, as though willing herself to be as stubborn as humanly possible on the subject. She wasn't trying to be stubborn, and she didn't mean to be - she just already had her mind made up and with Adalae, that was the end of it. Living in the past hadn't pushed her forward; if anything, it had held her back. She didn't want to forget, but she wasn't going to let her past rule her anymore. It didn't matter if Xavier could understand that or not, nothing he said was going to change her mind. After all, it rarely did. "I let my past rule me, Xavier. I won't let it keep doing that. I could never forget, but I'm not going to keep dwelling on it. That hasn't gotten me anywhere, and it never will." She meant that with her whole heart and mind, and that was crystal-clear in her voice. She was not going to change her mind, no matter how hard he tried, and it was obvious, as always. He was probably going to think she was just being stubborn, as per her nature, but she wasn't. Well, in a way she was, but this was simply something she needed to do for herself, and she was going to no matter what anybody else said. "Never mind," she said quickly, as soon as he was done. She hadn't meant for him to hear her say that, since she'd of course forgotten to take into account the werewolf sense of hearing they shared. It wasn't like she could explain what she meant, anyway, so she wasn't going to say anything more about it.

She listened to him and let him hold her, but almost the moment after he was done she pulled away from him, running her hand through her hair and sighing in frustration. "I like you better when you're not preachy, dammit," she whined, sounding more like a seven-year-old child than a grown woman. Then again, she'd never given herself much of a chance to be a normal kid, between soccer and dance and spending as much time as possible with her mother and father and sister and Xavier. He wasn't saying anything she wanted to hear, and he probably knew that. She didn't care if she couldn't change any of it, that didn't stop her from desperately wishing that she could. She turned around to face him. "Do you remember when we were little, and I busted open my knee playing soccer?" she asked, her voice just barely above a whisper, her eyes not meeting his. It was the only thing she could think of to relate to this. "My mom told me that just because I got hurt, I couldn't keep myself out of the game. So as soon as I got a bandage on that scrape, I went right back out to play." She inhaled sharply, hesitating. "But the one thing she never taught me to do was how to prevent myself from getting hurt. And every time I did, I put myself back in the game and I acted like nothing was wrong. Eventually, that was all I knew how to do." She paused, closing her eyes to hold back the tears that were welling up in her eyes.

"I've never been strong. I've been acting my whole life. And there's one thing that no one has ever heard me say, or has ever thought about me." Now she looked up at him, her eyes glistening with tears, her voice breaking. "Xavier Huntington, I am weak," she whispered, casting her eyes down again. That was the honest truth, the truth no one had ever been able to see - for the longest time, Adalae Parkes herself had never been able to see it either. Now that she could, she knew in her heart that she was right. She was not a strong person. Hearing the name Ash directed at her reminded her of her mother, even though she never let Annie or Xavier see the little pang of misery that hit her every time. The charm bracelet on her wrist made her want to cry when she looked at it for too long. Adalae Ashlinn Parkes was not a strong girl, and despite what everyone else may have though, she never had been.

[° LiNDSeY °]

"I guess you're right." he said, letting out a very fake and loud sigh. A mischievious smile spread across his face as he looked at her. "But wouldn't it be better to get at least one off your chest?" This was his way of prodding her, and testing the waters at the same time. If she took the bait, it meant she wasn't in a totally horrible mood, and that she was more bent on equal conversation than him talking to her, or him just listening intently. It was his way of figuring her out and seeing what she wanted right now, without asking. He never liked to push too much, scared he might make her feel worse or push a button that he didn't need to. It wasn't just that he wanted to know her secrets (but honestly, he is a guy, and Xavier, so he likes being in on secrets) but also the fact that he just wanted to get that smile out of her. The one he knew was there, and he loved seeing. He had his own secrets too, and he could understand why she wouldn't want to spill them all, even to him. He kept things hidden, like the fact that once before, he had considered asking her out (before he started dating Kyla) and that when they were younger he had a huge crush on her. He also kept other things secret, that while small to her or anyone else, seemed significant to him. A part of those secrets were his major insecurities, and those were things that the tough, man of steel, and rebel Xavier Huntington was not suppose to feel about himself and things he did.

Seeing Addie feel anything less than wonderful hurt Xavier more than he let on. He was protective of her, sure because she was his best friend and they had grown up together, but also because he cared a lot about her. They had gone through a lot seperately and dealt with it all together in their time. It hurt him knowing there was something he couldn't just heal as easily as he might have been able to when they were younger. "I understand that." he said, not trying to push on the subject any further. It was a good thing not to let yourself be ruled by the past, and he understood that very well. "More than you know." he breathed, barely recognizable to even himself. There had been a lot in his past that he couldn't forget, couldn't let go, but he wasn't going to let himself be rules by it. His lost friendship with Kyler Jameson, his leaving of his old band, the time he had wanted to be with Addie, his father's death, and a lot of other things. The last two were the ones always on his mind. It seemed that lately, he had wondered what it would be like being with Addie instead of Kyla, but he quickly dismissed it. He was with Kyla, and he loved her. Just something kept pulling at him about Addie, something he didn't understand. And his father's death had changed everything in his life. He had become the man of the house, taking care of all the girls, and just trying to do his best. He had grown up sooner than he should have, and he never felt resentment for it, but more an emptiness of missing his father and feeling like he wasn't doing it right.

He sighed as she pulled away after he was finished, and knew that she was going to say one of her classic Addie comments that only she could. He wasn't disappointed as she whined like a little child. He chuckled, amused at her comment. "I'll be sure to try not to, then, okay?" he said, thinking before he continues. "Promise. But only a promise to try." He laughed and ran his fingers through his hair. Addie's natural setting was defiant or stubborn, and it often made it hard for him to get through to her, but he never gave up, and never would either. He was going to keep the promise he knew he could keep - to be there for her, forever. This was his best friend, the one person who made his world right, and a smile light up on his face at the silliest of things. How could he not be there for her? Take care of her? Help her and love her? Love her. There was a feeling he didn't recognize, bubbling up inside. He knew it to be similar to something he had felt before, but he dismissed it, unable to place his finger on what it was. If he had bothered to understand, to stop letting his head get in the way of matters with the heart, he would of realized that loving her wasn't just as a friend, no, it was much more than that now. He just only had to notice, and he still hadn't. "Yeah." he said and then she went on. He understood it completely, and got why Addie did things the way she did. That was why he had always protected her. She didn't know how to keep herself from getting hurt, so he had to make sure he could keep all or at least most of any type of hurt from so much as touching her. It didn't work all the time, and he couldn't be there for everything, and save her from everything, but most of the time, he had made sure that his Addie was safe.

He put his hands on her arms, and looked directly into her eyes. "Listen Addie. I understand, but just know that I love you, okay?" he said, then pulling her towards him and into an embrace. "Let me be your strength then, Addie." he whispered, hoping she'd hear. He wanted nothing more than to make her feel strength from him. Wanted to pass it onto her if he could. He'd do anything to make her happy, anything to save her pain, or make her strong. She didn't have to be strong. He could be strong for her. He would be. He'd do that much for her, if not everything else.

[adalae ashlinn parkes.]

Of course he'd want to know one. It was Xavier, after all. "Okay, fine," she replied. "When I was nine, and I told everyone to stop calling me Ashlinn, it was because I'd decided it was too girly, normal, and so not me," she told him, shrugging lightly. Yes, she had kept that to herself, and yes, it was a stupid secret, but hey, he hadn't asked for a good one. Besides, that was the only one she was willing to tell. He really didn't need to know anything else that she'd kept to herself, and she certainly wasn't going to tell him. It was as simple as that, whether he knew or not. It probably wasn't even a secret, her name, since he knew her so well - he probably could have already figured that out. It wasn't like she hadn't first insisted everyone call her by her middle name, not her first name, so she was willing to bet that when she'd started insisting everyone call her by her first name, he had tried to guess why. It honestly did not matter to her whether he already knew or not; he'd asked for a secret and she'd given him one. He didn't need to know that was the only one she was willing to share, so she wasn't going to tell him, period end of story.

She couldn't help but think that of course he understood. He always understood, she'd learned that by now. He didn't need to say it for her to know it. But the other thing he'd said, More than you know, bothered her. More than she knew? She doubted it. Still, it wasn't like it really mattered. "I know," she muttered, choosing again not to elaborate on the other part of what he'd said. There was just no point. She may have been ranting before, but now she was trying to keep herself quiet. Now that she'd gotten everything off her chest, she didn't feel the need to say much. She let her eyes travel back to the edge of the cliff, still not going to jump or even wanting to. She felt like jumping would have the same effect as trying to run away from her emotions. A snowball effect. She'd keep them bottled up and eventually snap and let them all out anyway. She wasn't really trying to keep anything bottled up this time, she just hadn't really wanted to talk much with anyone lately. It was somewhat antisocial behavior, but Addie was always antisocial whenever she needed to think or clear her head. That meant she needed time alone, which meant she never really wanted to talk to anyone for periods of time, and that was okay, as long as it didn't frustrate, anger, or upset her further.

She heard him sigh but didn't acknowledge it with some random comment like she normally would have, had she been in a playful mood. She just didn't quite want to be held, and then every time he did hold her she felt like blurting then and there that she loved him and she just couldn't do that. She almost turned to glare at him when she heard him chuckle, but didn't. "I'm dead serious," she told him, her voice showing it. "And you had better try," she added, not totally meaning that. She knew he was only trying to make her see the whole picture, trying to help her, but Adalae had never liked lectures or being preached to and she'd sort of felt like that's what he'd been doing, even if it wasn't. It wasn't his fault that the things Addie wished for were impossible, or even that she didn't want him to say anything that he had. It wasn't his fault that she'd been in love with him since she was a child, and it most definitely wasn't his fault that she'd kept it a secret. It wasn't his fault that she couldn't keep herself from getting hurt, no matter how hard she tired, and it wasn't his fault that she wanted to collapse sometimes. None of it was his fault. None of it.

She barely had time to register what he'd said before he pulled her in again, but when he spoke next she heard him and then realized he'd said love. No. God, hell no. It couldn't mean what she desperately wanted it to mean, and she bit down on her lip to keep from saying it back to him. Still, she couldn't stand having him hold her and still want to say it, she really couldn't. It was killing her inside. She reached up and placed her hands on his shoulders, pushing him back with fierce tears in her eyes. "I swear to god, Xavier Huntington, if you do not let go and let me stand on my own for a span of more than five minutes, I will slap you, and I am definitely not kidding," she said, her voice hard and serious. She knew he only meant the best, and she really didn't want to hurt him by saying that, but she just didn't want to be held. She couldn't be.