Director's Cut.

[dakota ephraim black]

[These don't affect the roleplay, they're thoughts or quotations by them that were always meant to be spoken, but things happened or plots changed, and they never happened. In other words, they're sort of "extras", or as the title says, director's cut versions. I want to leave contributing these monologues, at least<3]


Dakota Ephraim Black

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I exhale shakily, the pacing of my shoes back and forth on our wooden floor the only noise echoing off into the hall, the drum insistent and repetitive as my nerves follow along. My thoughts are jumbled and incoherent, and I can't recall them the second they cross my mind, apparently in a cross country dash to the point of making my temples ache to even try at recollection. I have but three main points that keep prying at my insides for an answer, of which I can't fathom anyway, but they are:

Audrey had better not come home early.

God, she's going to say no.

And: Conner's going to kill me.

Of course, the first and the last one are pretty important, but it's the second that's tying knots of anxiety inside my chest. I place my hand into the jeans pocket that contains a silver representation of the promise I made to her the day my gaze fell upon hers. Unspoken, unknown, and binding. Everything I am, everything I was, and will be, is for her. If she so much as asked me for anything, I'd give it to her. After all, she deserves the world.

But, when she asked me for my heart - not through the touch of her hand, or feather light kiss, but through sightless eyes that saw me like no one else has - I gave her my soul. So this ring, this petty object meant to hold value that's beyond physical properties, or any amount of words I could never begin to explain, is supposed to hold that sentiment. It's supposed to bear witness the vow I made over a year ago - that I am hers: to break, to heal, to throw away, to keep, to hate, to love.

The truth is, I don't know if that'll do my promise any justice.

I don't know if I'll do my promise any justice.

I've failed to protect her before, and I've been the one she's needed protection against as well. Like all good things, though, I won't question why or how she still holds me close to her after all that's happened. All I know is that she does for some reason or another, beyond my understanding. I wouldn't call it luck, and I wouldn't call it a miracle by any means: I'd call it the mark of the girl I fell in love with. The same hands I swear to hold in good and bad times, the same face etched into my mind's memory as long as I exist. Being seventeen and having no clear path or direction in life is pretty normal, I bet, but the one thing I know that's undeniable is my need to exist with her. As whoever she wants... a best friend, a boyfriend, a lover, and maybe some day... a husband.

Yeah. Some day, Clarissa Hale, I'll marry you.

I promise.

Audrey Joy Black

Popularity is wildfire: you can't feed it without burning yourself in the process.

I'm not going to sit and feed you some bitch sob story about how hard it is and how lonely I am inside, because I hate being pitied, for one. For two, I'd see it in the local gossip column headliner by tomorrow morning. And I'm not even lonely, for starters: lonely means you're ignored. No one ignores Audrey Black. I'd have to be significantly mentally challenged to not notice the looks I get every day. Yeah, most of them are faux friendly with underlining of fear, anger, and revenge on their minds, but it's something. It's limelight, it's what I'm in twenty four seven. Any day of the week, you'll see me trip anyone else trying to climb the stepping stones of social hierarchy. It's not hard. It's easy, simple, and fun even. I hardly glanced into my opponent's eyes before they took their inevitable downfall.

Try looking into your ex best friend's eyes, and see how easy and fun it is then.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

Don't get me wrong, here, I don't need him or anything: I don't need anyone. But people only really started knowing he was alive because, at one point, we were attached to the hip. Geek and loser persona hanging around queen bitch of La Push High? A lot of people just assumed he was just there to do my homework or be an easy fuck. I brushed the rumors off, laughing with him by my side at what an absurd concept it was: Ashton and I, a couple?

It took me until now to realize I was the only one laughing.

In my defense... No, I can't even defend myself. I can only accuse, because unre-fucking-quited love or not, I used him. Not intentionally, not purposely with intention to carefully deconstruct and ruin him, but does motive matter when the end result is the same? There's a new air about him now, Ashton Felix Cooper. The name is acid on my tongue, scalding, marking, burning, and furthermore scarring. It's uttered by other girls now, with foolish giggles and batting eyelashes, praised by the very jocks I had to chase away from you. You've become a star.

Do you know that stars never stop burning, Ash? So while you're trying to burn me, do you realize what you're doing to yourself in the process? The fire is all-consuming, and while you're trying to throw me out of it, do you even know you could be saving me from public humiliation?

I mean, people are starting to notice. You always did.

One bathroom trip too many, I guess. You don't so much as even look at me anymore when I ask for a hall pass in the middle of class, because my own body is rebelling against my will to defeat a civil war inside. I'm getting too weak. Mara's going to say something soon, I bet, but I don't know. She looks at me a bit differently now, I can't tell with what: is she going to leave before I turn on her, too? It'd be for the best, maybe. You two might be able to handle the hierarchy better than I ever could, if you worked together. I don't know.

You know what, Ash?

Take the crown. Take the throne. Take everything.

I already have nothing.

Serge Rowan Cohen

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Vampires, technically, are incapable of actual dreaming.

Then again, it was the technicalities that kept us apart at first, huh? I can't pretend to understand it - I've never even met a werewolf before you. So what was with all the animosity between the two; I could feel no hint of malice along your warm skin, touching and tracing a beautiful sun on my cold body. You seem comfortable enough in my arms as I hold you close to me, smile and make you laugh, but really inside I'm dying to tell you how beautiful you are. The words won't fall from my mouth, because I can't impose such on your already heavy heart full of pains I wish I could fight away. I'll be your crying shoulder, strong and silent until the day comes when I can tell you what's been on my mind.

Like how, ironically enough, you are what's always on my mind. An ocean between us doesn't divide the ache in half to have you with me every night, to see your lips twitch upwards in an amused smile by something foolish I'll purposely say to lighten your mood. I'm not good with serious conversations, you know that as well as I do; I like making you laugh because the sound is music to me, but not nearly as pleasing as the fact that I can make you happy. I can ease some of the hurt. I can make you feel alive as much as you do to me.

Ryanne Gabrielle Castillo

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Nate Takashi Yoshida

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Joshua Jacob Davies

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[Kyla Larsen.]

Clarissa Ann Hale

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Conner Alexander Hale[/color]

Vivelle Louise Grey[/color]

I am a sinner, one of the damned. A witch, a bitch, a woman who doesn't have the right to draw breath. And yet, I do. And it's all for you. Not for me, not for Biscuit, not for him, for you. I have messed up, I've ruined things, and I've torn us and everything I've ever cared for apart. It's funny, but until I met you it was like I was drowning. I couldn't see anything my goal. New schemes and plots were like air is to you, and it all felt like one big game. My reason to live was to screw with people, which now that I look back on it all was kind of.. well, sad. My whole life is one fucking sob story really, one big joke, except the joke was on me. I guess I deserved it, to have a life devoid of meaning but my job. I did bring it on myself, and it wasn't like I wanted to exist anymore after what happened. All I wanted was to finish my job and be freed of my curse and given the bliss of eternal rest. After I got my revenge, of course.

My hands are bloodier than you can imagine, and even though you saw me for what it was you still pursued me. I didn't get it then, and I still don't get it now, but I think what you had.. what we had then was genuine. Maybe you were just looking for adventure. Maybe you were just looking for another chick to date and screw or do whatever you do. But even though I couldn't stand the sight of you, I couldn't stand to be apart from you. I made excuses to be with you, even though I knew all I could do was drag you down with me. It was sickening, how I clung to you and at the same time acted like you were as important as a fly on the wall. It's not like I'm not used to denying myself, I've gotten pretty good at it actually. But you weren't, aren't. You were, are, my everything. I just.. I can't stop thinking about you, and it's driving me insane. It's making me forget what I'm supposed to be doing, who I am supposed to be. When I'm with you, I think I have a chance for salvation. I start thinking that I have a soul, have a heart. When I'm with you, I feel like I could still be the girl who died so many centuries ago and was remade into a monster.

I start thinking that.. that I love you.

But I understand if you don't want me that way. I understand, since you know what blood is on my hands now. The name of the boy whose life I have ruined. Now that you'd know that I'd do it again and not bat a lash, all for revenge.

And you see, that's why I have to walk away. That's why I have to make you hate me, to make you say it. Because then I can sever the part of my heart that wants you, which is all of it actually, and cauterize the wound. I can use it as ammunition, I can use it to get my job done. But I'm not just doing this for me. I'm doing it for you, can't you see? If I stay with you, if I let myself love you, then I'll never want to leave you. And that wouldn't be good, for either of us. All I'd do is drag you down with me and transfer my taint onto you, and that would hurt me more than leaving you. I can't ruin you, I can't. This sin is mine to bear and mine alone, and it's my fate, no, my duty to suffer and atone for my sins. Because I won't stop, I can't. Even for you. I have a job, a duty, and I've done too much to give up on it now.

Don't worry, this will hurt me more than it hurts you. You'll find a girl who deserves you, who isn't like me, who isn't soaked in blood. You saved me, Nate, you really did. You leant me your hand when I was drowning, and I finally got a taste of air.

But... I'm afraid you're going to have to let me drown.

( Director's Comments: So, this is what would hypothetically be running through Vivy's head if she ever tried to run away from Nate. As in, try to sever all ties with him and do her job. She wouldn't succeed, and she probably wouldn't say any of this, but this is what she'd be thinking. SAD INNIT. )

Ashton Felix Cooper[/color]

I used to be invisible, your stereotypical high school reject who is ignored by virtually everyone. And it wasn't like I was unhappy that way, it was what I wanted. I wanted to be able to get through high school unnoticed, to just get it over with and get the hell out of Forks. I didn't want to rely on anything or anyone. I bottled myself up, locked myself up, and threw away the key. I was determined to let no one, no one, in this god forsaken town in, so I could leave it and never look back.

And then you showed up.

I bet you didn't even notice how much I loved you, did you? Yes, you were a bitch even to me, but I felt as if someone.. for the first time.. saw me for what I was and stuck with me anyway. I was willing to take you for what you were without a complaint. Maybe I should have voiced my feelings, maybe I should have spoken up, but I couldn't. I was hoping, always hoping, that you would do it first. But that.. that was just a pipe dream, wasn't it? Because you.. you never really cared for me at all. I was a convenience. Something to make you feel good about yourself because I was always waiting to pick you up when you fell, give you a kind word about how it all didn't matter because I would be there for you, even if the rest of the school hated your damn guts. I was nothing more than a crutch to you, a safety blanket. To be used when needed and quickly discarded when not. You probably didn't even have to think about it, it was like a knee jerk reaction to use someone who cares for you isn't it? You disgust me. The resentment was building up under the surface, and you never even saw it. And then you just made it worse, getting my hopes up only to let me fall down to the floor to burn. And you know what? I hope you're happy, because you broke the fucking bottle. I'm all out in the open now Auds, and trust me, the boy you knew? The quiet, sweet, calm Ashton? He's fucking dead.

Yes, I'm trying to take your crown. Yes, I'm purposefully trying to make people notice your bulimia. Do you know how easy it is to start a rumor, Aud? I bet you do, because you've started your fair share. Perhaps this is divine justice on you for what you've done to everyone, done to me. Because trust me, you are not getting out of the spotlight without getting thrown to the dogs.

... That's what I used to think anyway.

Your name, it felt like acid on my tongue, tasted like something disgusting and rotten. I wanted to do anything and everything I could to bring you down and make sure to bring you down in the most humiliating way possible. I wanted to make you feel the shame all your victims felt, feel the pain they felt, I felt. But now? Now.. I don't really want to anymore. Not because I feel anything for you, not because I still have some feelings of loyalty. Let me assure you, those feelings are gone now, now that I see you for what you are. Trash.

It's not because of you, it's for her.

She's... I don't even know how to describe her. We're kindred spirits, she and I. Both fakers, but both honest in our own ways. She can see through what I say and see what I mean in ways you never could. She can see my masks and she doesn't care, and she genuinely cares about me. Unlike you, she doesn't drop plans we make to go with someone else. And.. I'm pretty sure I love her. Not in the gushy, fake, high school way either. I really.. truly... love her. And loving her.. it makes this, all of this, not matter so much anymore. So you know what Aud? I give up. You win. Keep your throne, your fake friends, your parties, and your eating disorder. Because in the end, I'm not the one who is losing. You'll still have nothing on that throne of yours, and I'll have everything, even at the bottom of the pole.

So thank you, Audrey, for letting me out of my bottle. Because it let me find the one who makes me whole.

( Director's Cut: Soyeah. This is what would be going through Ash's head once he finally makes the decision as to whether or not he should continue trying to destroy Audrey. In the end, as you can see, he would (might) choose not to because of Sarah. Because in his eyes, it's better for him to stop and show Audrey that he's above her and her methods and at the same time be happier than she is. Sort of to rub it in her face. Getting revenge by letting go, or something. )

Kyla Bettina Larsen[/color]

I'm not the sort of girl who falls in love and instantly jumps into my lovers arms, like all the girls seem to do these days. I go slowly, deliberately and cautiously. When we first met I thought you might be a suitable prospect. You were everything I'd ever wanted when I'd searched for a boyfriend, and when I finally got the guts to ask you out, you became everything I'd ever need. Although, perhaps it wasn't the same for you.

I admit that I am not exactly a normal girl. After all, normal girls don't keep boyfriends at arms length while they are dating. Nor do they only slowly let them in, or move like a turtle when it comes to committing. But when I did say that I cared for you, couldn't you tell that I meant it? Couldn't you tell that I had agonized for hours over whether or not I should tell you the little phrase "I like you", the hours I spent second guessing my own feelings as I considered and reconsidered the option of running in the other direction and not looking back. And once that bridge had been crossed, do you still remember when I first told you I loved you? I thought for hours before I told you that.

Did you?

As I stand here, your hand in mine as we watch the waves, all I can see in my head is the look on your face every time that I tell you I love you. I can see the guilt in your eyes, Xavier Huntington. I can see the doubt there when you tell me that you love me too. And you don't even say that anymore. You don't even say me too. You just say "I know", give my hand a squeeze, smile, and then look away.

So tell me, if you're my Xavier, why is there doubt there? Why do I see guilt in your face whenever you kiss me? And why do I get the feeling that when Addie is around, you're always looking at her?

I know I should trust you Xavier, and that I shouldn't doubt you. But there is only so much a girl can take.

( Director's Cut: This is what is going through Kyla's head whenever she's with Xavier, especially when Addie is around. This would probably be around the end of their relationship. )
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[Kyler Jameson]

MELANIE JULIANNE HALE !

I've been dodging his calls, hoping his appearance in town was somehow connected with business, or old friends. Why did it have to be that he came here for me? I don't understand it. Everything is going beautifully, and I am finally happy, and then he shows up trying to crumble everything I have worked so hard for. Why couldn't he stay away? When we ended, it was over. It doesn't matter if he is the only other real relationship I had - I am with Conner now, who I love. He doesn't need to some around. Conner would kill him, if he could before I would. He couldn't just leave well enough alone, couldn't just stay away.

"I really need to see you. I have something I have to say. This can't wait Melly. I need you to know."

Every time he called me Melly I wanted to hurl. It turned from a loving term when we were together into something repulsive. Never had I ever felt so disgusted by a nickname someone had given to me. And of all people. And having to hear him say it? That is unbearable. He says it with such confidence like we are still how we were. I never loved him. I just leaned on him, needed someone there when all else had been ruined. In hard times, yes he was there. But in good times, he was gone. He only wanted me when I was vulnerable, and he can't get to me now. He can't make me vulnerable; He can't make me feel like I need him. I don't. I won't. Never again.

And what could he say that I possibly want to know? Why would anything he has to say matter to me? He has no part in my life now. This isn't the same Melanie from before. The old Melanie was breakable, crumbling, hurt, desperate. Now I am strong, happy, free, loved. I can't do this anymore. He can't toy with me, use me for his games. He must know about Conner, he must be trying to do something. All he ever cared about was making sure he had control. Over me. It ends now.

I have to tell Conner. I can't hide this part of my past from him. He needs to know.

• Director's Comments:

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So one of these parts was originally just an idea I had, that I really wanted to play out in her mind. It has nothing to do with the current going ons. It was an added drama thing if I could have worked it out right, but I never did. xD

ZACHARIA LEE SMITH !

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MARA ELIZABETH MYLES !

My strength, my bravery, all of it - lies. You are the only reason I had any type of strength, any bravery. All of this was a vain attempt to please you, make you see me. Sure, I enjoyed it, I meant it, I lived it, even loved it, but always, somewhere lurking in the back of my mind was the reasons behind it, or more the true reason - you. Being evil, being hurtful, being who I am is easier with you around. You bring it out truer and brighter. You complete me in ways I never knew someone could affect another being. Having you in my life, close yet always separate felt like a flame warming me after a blistering cold. With you, it always felt right, felt just, felt fair. All the things I did, everything I thought, it became justified with you by my side. I'm dark, disturbed, incomplete, ignorant, useless even, but all of that disappeared when you were there. Nothing would mean anything. Then there were times, when I ached for you, needed you, but knew I couldn't risk it, couldn't put that between us without knowing, without being sure. Everything meant to mean something only came with the thought of you.

Well, here it is now. The strong stones of our immovable mountain crumbling beneath us, and I? I am left barely even able to hang on while I see you also falling. Things are crumbling. Life itself is left tainted, incomplete, useless. The carefully constructed stained glass of my life has turned dark and dismal, full of grays, blacks, not even whites. No color, no warmth is left. You were a large piece of it, Ryanne another. Even my damn games seemed so significant, now it all means nothing. As you start falling, I feel it too. The pieces of the unbreakable finally breaking. Turns out nothing really is perfect, that bitchy isn't bitchy enough, and as soon as you light a fire, it burns out. So here we are, burning out, yet with unspoken words, and nothing left to hold us up. I'd hold onto you, try to keep you from falling, even sacrifice myself, but the thing is, I am falling too. And when it starts, there is no stopping. Eventually all the pieces will crash to the floor. And then what is left. Nothing. Not even the thing I was sure would leave us intact.

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This has to do with her habits, and her world with Audrey in it.

ALEXANDER SCOTT REEVES !

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SARAH LYNN MADDISON !

I need it. The very feeling of it soothes every ache from my body. Everytime someone speaks, tries to help, gives me rational logic, it gets drowned out. I'm disgusted by myself. I've been reduced to something I never wanted to become. But there it is, still plauging every thought, every corner of my mind. My walls of resistence won't hold much longer, and when they crumble, it will all come rushing back. Everything I worked for, tried to acheive, it will all be destroyed. All for a drink. I can't help it. Why is it the only thing ever helping me is alcohol? It might destroy me at the same time, but at least, for a small amount of time, I feel like something/someone is actually on my side. I feel control again. This is all my fault. Kaelie, especially. I killed my daughter. I ruined myself, and cursed all hopes of having something worthwhile. I could be a mother right now, but my choices keep leading me down broken and tangled roads. I can't stop. It has a hold of me, suffocating me. I can barely take it anymore.

The only thing keeping me from letting my willpower fade is the one person who has yet to give up on me - someone, to be honest, I shouldn't allow myself to be so influenced by. I am just going to bring him down with me, and no one deserves this, no one but me. Why does he see what everyone else refuses to? He sees all aspects of me, yet sticks by my side? Why do I deserve his help. I can't help it when I am around him, something comes up, something I don't understand. I shouldn't allow myself to be so easily wrapped in such things. Attaching yourself to people only gets you hurt, I know - I've lived it. Why is it he feels safe? Why is it, with him the alcohol doesn't matter? Answers aren't plentiful, but questions always seem to be, and if the alcohol doesn't drown me, then the questions will. I'm so confused, absorbed by every aspect of all the things eating away at me. I can't allow this. Can't be controlled by my feelings, they never lead to any good. Since when has anything with me ever led to good?

I don't even care about me. I'm already ruined. I'm halfway there - to the hell I dug for myself. I can't take him there too. I can't let him be broken too. Pain hurts, emotions hurt, all of THIS hurts, but dear god, the breaking, the being broken, the pain is unreal. How could I ever put anyone through that. How could I put him through that? He deserves so much better than what I have to offer. With me, there is only a world of hurt. He helped me when no one else thought to, and I can't let such a deed lead to punishment.

Wait, it makes sense. I get it now - with Ash, there is one thing going for me, and that is hope. I can't take his away. I can't.

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You know something? Screw my family, screw my fakes friends. I'm done. I am sick of being the bitch people want, sick of being the sweet girl. Somewhere in between trying to please everyone, I lost sight of the person I was deep down - beyond the alcohol, the lies, the fear, all of it. I'm sick of playing these games, molding to the mask of the person everyone wants. I'm sick of pleasing, sick of losing myself each time I put on a front. He made me see it clearly. Giving people what they wanted wasn't helping me be anything, feel anything, have anything - it was starting to destroy the fabric of my being, whoever that is. Sure, I don't know who the hell I am, but you know something? fuck you all. At least I am trying to find me. I am not pretending anymore. I'm not sure who I am, but you know what I am sure of? I am not the good girl, I am not the bitch, I am not everyone's damn place mat. Right now, the only thing I am, is the person I can be with Ash. He sees me. He knows me better than I ever knew myself. He is the mirror I have, fogged, but still reflecting my image, trying to show me the real me that is somewhere beneath all these covers. I am sick of being everyone's toy. They don't care about me, they never did. They just liked what I could be for them, who I would be for them. No more. The one person who actually cares doesn't care who I am, as long as I am there. I realize that that really is enough now. I don't need all the people, all the "friends", even the alcohol. Ash is my alcohol now. Except healthy, and safe - which is what I needed all this time. I am just glad that while I shut myself off to everyone else, my defenses were down enough to let him in.

Ash, you saved me. I've never known someone like you. I love you.

• Director's Comments:

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This is just the huge tragic part, based on her obsession to alcohol, and her not being able to get over he daughter's death. Then there happens to be her light through all the darkness, which she doesn't think she deserves. This isn't her ENTIRE outlook, but it is part of it.

The second part is kind of what I imagine will happen after time has progressed. Ash will be the reason she finally gets to where she can be happy, at least for that time. He'll be her way of getting passed all the other crap, help her have a brave face for whatever is to come.

OTHER NEW GUY !

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KAHLAN ------ ------- !

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KYLER ELIJAH JAMESON !

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HARPER ELLEN MCNEEL !

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XAVIER ALEXANDER HUNTINGTON !

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HANNAH ANNELLE PARKES !

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