Oh my God, where the hell is your brain? {_Jolene}

[jolene]

Jolene Marlene Celeris IS SO FAR AWAY

---

( THESE ARE MY WORDS )
the puppet master

you can call me Jolene because it's what the birth certificate says
but everyone else calls me Jolene i've traveled around the sun 19 times
chittering monkey, all you gotta do is email me and i'll answer
i looked up your number in neopets directory
i've been playing this game of cat and mouse for 3 years and the cat almost won
you can often find me impersonating only me for now

( ONE LIFE CONTAINED )
the character

[/color] full name:[/b] Jolene Marlene Celeris
x. age: She's been 19 since 1826
x. gender: Female
x. birthdate: 06.26.1807
x. sexuality: Straight
x. race: Half British, Half Italian
x. species: Vampire. (Gift: Telekinesis)
[/size][/ul]

( AND THIS SMILE )
the appearance

[/color] hair color:[/b] Reddish high-lightened brown
x. eye color: She has been a vegetarian for too many years, so her eyes are Golden.
x. height: Tall
x. weight: Skinny
x. tattoos: Nothing
x. piercings: One in the tongue
x. other: Outfits: Most of her wardrobe is black, she often uses shirts that shows her shoulders, and black jeans, with black boots.
[/size][/ul]

( THESE ARE MY DREAMS )
the personality

[/color] likes:[/b] Forests, running, singing, playing the bass, guitar or piano, reading, laughing, meeting people, rain, having control, writing, and the purple color.
x. dislikes: Liars, The Vulturi, Rosalie, murderers, stupidity, senseless cruelty (but everything is okay for her if you have a reason xD), boredom, remaining still, insects, and too colorful clothes.
x. strengths:
Speed.
Oh yeah, she is the fastest vampire you will ever met... at least, that's what she thinks. She keeps on challenging Edward for a race every time she gets a chance... And she keeps on winning.

Telekinesis.
Yes, sir, she can move stuff around with her mind, which can be really great when it comes about fighting (or saving objects from falling and breaking). I mean, imagine you are in the middle of a battle and suddenly a car falls down in you head. Useful, right?

Good face-reader.
She definitely can't read your mind, but it's really easy for her to tell what's your mood, no matter how badly you try to hide it. She also can tell when somebody is lying, which drives her mad.


x. weaknesses:
Too much information.
She often speaks more than she needs to. Just because she is way too sincere. If you act really stupid when you are near her, don't be surprised to hear something like: Oh my God, where the hell is your brain?

Strength.
Which... she doesn't have at all. She isn't even average for being a vampire when it comes to this. Like if she needed it...

Reckless.
Even though she can tell when things are getting dangerous, she often doesn't care, and get herself in troubles for this. She doesn't want to hurt anyone, but she just doesn't measure the consequences of her acts.

x. habits/quirks:
She bites her fingernails. Awkward habit for a vampire, huh?
She bathes too much. Like three or four times a day.
She forgets to blink. Which can make humans feel really uncomfortable.
She is addicted to her eyeliner. Don't dare to try to take it away from her.
x. fears:
cockroaches. Yes, she fears them. I know.
Human's blood temptation. She really, really doesn't want to be a monster.
x. goals:
Make a piano suite. She just doesn't have the patience.
Have Carlisle's self control.
x. personality:
Artistic
She is an art lover and maker. She'd been in several bands in the last almost 200 years, as a singer, a piano player, or bass player. She loves composing, and most of the songs she does are Hard/Gothic/Neo-classical/Progressive rock. Yeah, all that together, can you imagine?.
She is also a writer, most of song lyrics, but she also works on fantasy-vampires books that had been best sellers in their time. All of this, of course, under fake names, she doesn't want Aro to get mad at her.

Funny.
She is a really lively person for being an undead. She laughs every time she gets a chance, as well as she makes people laugh all the time. That's why she hangs out with Emmet the most of the time when she visits the Cullen's, and that's the very reason why Rosalie hates her. She doesn't like her either, because she thinks she is a immature, plastic bitch. And that doesn't stays in the thinking..

Sincere.
If she thinks anything about you, don't doubt that you are going to know it. You could think she is cruel, but she actually just wants to keep it real. That's why she is the right person when it comes about looking for someone to tell your problems. She will tell you the truth, no matter how bad it is, so you can solve them.


[/size][/ul]

( I MUST BE SLEEPING )
the history

[/color] father:[/b] Dante Celeris. (Dead)
x. mother: Elizabeth Heathcliff. (Dead)
x. siblings: None.
x. other family: (dead)
x. significant other: None for now.
x. hometown: She is a nomad.
x. history:
She started her endless day in 1826. It was a rainy day, and she was lost in Volterra, when she looked up, and see him. He looked like an angel, and she thought she'd got to be dreaming. So when the God-like men her if she would like to live forever, she nodded. She was so happy when he touched her.. First taking her heart, then embracing her, and placing his lips softly in her neck, and then... The darkness. The fire. The burn.
Aro itself did the change, seeing what a promise she was. When she woke up, he told her that she now was a vampire, and she was really going to remain the same forever. She panicked, and suddenly all the paintings around her started flying towards Aro, and hitting him fiercely. Aro, gladly found out that her gift was telekinesis (moving stuff around just by using her mind.) She stayed with the Vulturi a really short while, but then she ran away, hating herself for all the lifes she took. In her way, she found Carlisle, who told her about another way of life. First, she didn't understood, but after taking a few mountain lions, she saw that she could live of them.
After these, she stayed a while with the Denali coven, finding the life as a succubus pretty interesting... But then decided her fate was to be a nomad, but still a vegetarian one. She'd been alone since 1935.
[/size][/ul]

( SOMEBODY SHAKE ME )
the ability

[/color] random secret:[/b] look in the rules.
x. role play sample: ABSOLUTELY NO QUOTES!
[/ul][/size]

[Tally !]

Okay. She seems like a good character, however there are things that you really should look over. You have a fair amount of grammatical errors, which normally I don't mind. But when they stand out a fair amount, then I have to ask you to look it over again and fix them.

You need to work on your personality, I asked for three paragraphs, paragraphs consist of 5-7 sentences per paragraph. Tell us more about her in her paragraphs, she's not perfect, what are some of the things that really get to her? Or also talk more about her fears or strengths or weaknesses, elaborate on them.

Also, I'm sorry I really do not see Aro going up to some random human and changing them, asking them if they want to become a Vampire. No human, even if enchanted by how the Vampire would look, wouldn't just agree to something like that. Also, right after turning into a vampire she wouldn't be able to instantly throw paintings at him. It would take time for the power to really develop and for her to have any sort of control like that.

So really, I'm fine with her being a Vampire, but you should rethink how she got changed, and that she finds other people who are vegetarians, the Cullens aren't really around on this site.

You also did not provide us with the secret which is hidden throughout the rules and you did not give us a sample of your roleplaying.

So I'm sorry, until these things have been fixed she has been Rejected.

Post here telling us when these changes have been made.

[jolene]

For the grammatical errors: I'm Argentinian... I do my best, but English is my second lenguage, so... I'm sorry :S

I thought I left clear that... she thought she was dreaming. Personally, in a dream, I would have say yes to live forever. Also, I thought that maybe in 1826, Eleazar would still be with the Vulturi, so they would know about her incomming gift... But, well, it doesn't matter, I'll just re-do the story.

And I thought that she didn't have control over her gift when she was a newborn... that's why, when she freaks out, things just fly over the air. She didn't mean to throw painting at Aro, she just did it.

If Aro doesn't make the change... Well, maybe a member of the Denali Coven could. Or any vampire, trying to kill her, but something interrupts him... I'll think about that.

I red the rules over and over again (seriously), even check out the code, and didn't find out the secret... I must be stupid or something.

Hmmm... The most of my roleplays that aren't face-to-face, are in neopets (I came here from a recommendation of a girl that has an account there too)... And they usually eliminate old topics, or the ones that have inappropiate (okey, I know I wrote this word the wrong way, but I don't know how to) content... And vampire's roleplays are usually deleted (words like blood, die, or kill, aren't allowed), so I'll try to find a sample of my roleplaying, but I'm not sure if I will be able to find it.

[Tally !]

Thats okay, you can also always just run this through Microsoft Word if you have it.

You do have to keep in mind, that there would be more of a reason for them to just pick some random girl who has some in coming gift, if your going to do that, then you need to have really good reasons behind it. Even then I would be iffy with it, you could do something where her friend is a vampire, or her boyfriend or whatnot. But add in more details as to why any of that is even happening.

Even in a dream, most people would still be weirded out by that. Whether or not the thought of living forever is appealing to them, flight or fight, it's something any human would go through.

You need to look closely as Wisher told you last night, there three words that are out of place.

You can always just type up a new roleplay sample.

[Tally !]

Rejected.