[s]t[ar]ing [a]t t[h]e sky {Maddison}

[Sarah Maddison]

Sarah Lynn Maddison
IS SO FAR AWAY

---

( THESE ARE MY WORDS )
the puppet master

you can call me lindsey because it's what the birth certificate says
but everyone else calls me linds i've traveled around the sun age times
chittering monkey, all you gotta do is pm me and i'll answer
i looked up your number in the usual directory
i've been playing this game of cat and mouse for seven years and the cat almost won
you can often find me impersonating harper, melanie, mara, zac, matthew, and elijah

( ONE LIFE CONTAINED )
the character

[/color] full name:[/b] Sarah Lynn Maddison
x. age: Seventeen
x. gender: Female
x. birthdate: January 20th
x. sexuality: Bisexual
x. race: British, Australian, American
x. species: Guardian Faerie
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( AND THIS SMILE )
the appearance

[/color] hair color:[/b] Dark Brown
x. eye color: Blue, also sometimes Green
x. height: 5'6"
x. weight: Average
x. tattoos: None
x. piercings: Ears.
x. other: None.
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( THESE ARE MY DREAMS )
the personality

[/color] likes:[/b]

Romance, Presents, Horror Movies, Movies, Television, Window Shopping, Photography, Fashion Design, Home Design, Writing, Video Games, Jokes, Soft Couches, Veggie Hamburgers, Vegtables!, Computers, Friends, Leggings, Stargazing, Singing, Music, Nature, Taking Risks, Fun, Laughter, Learning, Dancing, Being Healthy, Cooking, Bikes, Dreaming, Living, Adventure, Relaxation, Aromatherapy, Candles, Sharpies, Creativity, Memories, Flowers, Clothes, Jewelry, Vintage, 1800s, the 80s, Thrift Stores, Simple things, Corny Things, Drawing, Butterflies, Animals, Lakes, Picnics, Traveling, Austrailia, Europe, The world, Earth, Typed Smilies, Color.

x. dislikes:

Fake Surprises (when people say they have them for you, and don’t tell), Her Grandfather, Her past, Fake Friends, Self-absorbed people, Cheaters, Little Kid know-it-alls, Plain Orange Juice, China that is NEVER used, Being nagged, Left without self-expression, Rude Elites, Talking on the phone, Have to cook large meals, Extreme Heat, Tacky Decorations, Not being able to move forward, Last minute things, Messy People, People constantly asking her for help, Being the “good girl” all the time, People’s expectations, First Impressions, Judgments, Hypocrites, Watching the same movie a million times in a week, constant repetition in life, Unoriginality, Being accused of things, Crying in front of people, Crying at all.

x. strengths:

Fooling People; Sarah is amazing at convincing people that she is one way, no matter if she is or not. She also can convince other people to do a lot of things, or to act certain ways.

Hiding Her Past; Sarah can keep her life to herself quite well, and no one has ever broken through her carefully built walls before.

Figuring People Out; Sarah usually can figure out the things people are thinking or what people want. She has good intuition, and is able to read people in lots of ways.

x. weaknesses:

Two-faced; Sarah does one thing, and then says another. She'll be your best friend to your face, and be backstabbing you the next. She'll be the sweetheart and the good little bookworm to the teachers, yet when she isn't around them, she sometimes rude, or focused on sex, parties, or something as equally bad.

The Truth; Sarah is extremely significant, and also when it comes to talking about her past and all the crap that has happened with her, she hides it and makes something up to save herself from talking about it.

Commitment; Sarah us usually committed to whatever she does, but the problem is that she never can do just one thing.

x. habits/quirks:

She tends to lie about her past. ;; She had a horrible past 'nuff said.
She holds back her feelings, and her thoughts sometimes. ;; She doesn't want to be shot down a lot of the time, but there are also times she says what she is thinking at the worst time.
She is addicted to alcohol. ;; This is bad because she never wanted to end up like her mother, yet she did.
She pretends she was never pregnant. ;; From a mix of shame and hurt, she always does this to protect herself.
She can be pretty evil. ;; She is two-faced, lies, manipulates. (Don't forget she is sweet thought too.)

x. fears:

Losing her brother, her sister or brother moving, moving to another school, living while dying, getting cancer, being alone forever, never accomplishing her dreams, relapsing with her alcoholism.

x. goals:

Fall in love, Becoming a teacher, Be successful in fashion, Have many jobs, Be healthier, Be known for something.

x. personality:

Sarah is diverse in the many things she likes. She isn't set with one thing for the rest of her life. She will work one thing but end up having many hobbies because she likes so many things. You can't really stick her in one quadrant of any group of things. She loves so many things. She loves photography, fashion design, interior design, writing, singing, drawing, painting, and so many other things. She even loves playing instruments, and can't simply play one. It just doesn't work for her to be one thing, or labeled as one type of person. She breaks the boundaries of everything society has put out there. You'll notice, for example, that when it is time for club sign-ups, she doesn't just put her name down on one sigh-up sheet. She puts her name on many. This isn't because she doesn't know what to pick, or she wants to try everything, No, this is because she actually wants to do all of those and has given it great thought. This is much of the reason why it is so hard to truly label her as any clique, or type of person, because right when you think you know her, she changes it up and makes you rethink everything again. There is no end to the circle of her ever changing life; You get use to it, or you get out. Pretty simple.

There are those millions of things that she does that all fall under art or creativity. That sums up how she is. She doesn't really like when people steal other ideas, because inspiration should come from random and odd places, not other pieces of similar work. Are you looking for a title, or a line that will inspire and describe someone? Ask Sarah and give her a moment and she can come up with something off the top of her head. She tends to get inspiration from unexpected places, and the ideas are usually fabulous. She likes to look at things in new perspectives, especially when she thinks she knows how something works. She analyzes it again at a different point of view and tries to achieve a result that will be satisfying. Through photography, she shows how she sees thing at different angles, and how she finds beauty in an assortment of things. Through fashion design, she gets to express herself and find enjoyment in new things, or give her creations as presents. Through interior design, she gets to create brilliant works that will be treasured for a very long time, but also gets to show how she can make things versatile so they work even when the fads change. Sarah also likes to take classes in everything because it fuels her creativity. She figures that even if she hates a subject, she gets at least one individual lesson or idea from it that she will carry into every other aspect of her life - and you know what? She is right about this. Even when she hates something - something beautiful and brand new comes out of it, either through her creations, or through her directly. Either way, she is living proof of the reason there should be optimists. Good really can come from a large amount of things that are horrible.

Sarah uses humor as a crutch, a bumper, and a tool. When she or anyone she knows is down in the gutter, she takes the situation and puts some humor into it. Then there are those times that things are awkward or the time when things are high stress situations - these are times that she finds it best to use humor. Sometimes her humor isn't easily read, and you might thing she is serious, or her sarcasm doesn't seem like sarcasm at all, but if you are close with her at all, then you know how she is and when she means what she is saying, or if she is just trying to get some laughs out of people. Most of the time, she has no idea she is saying something funny until someone laughs, and then when she realizes it was funny, she busts out laughing. Also, when things are quite as funny to someone else, she will still laugh, either at her own joke (and yes, very loudly) or at someone else's. She is just the type of person who can find funny in dirt. She'd have to admit, however, that sometimes she hits herself for not making a joke out of something someone else said. It is so sad to her that someone says something she can make a joke out of, and then she doesn't realize to do it until it is far too late, and far too idiotic to say. This doesn't happen that often, but when it does, she feels like shoving her foot in her mouth.

Sarah pretty much does and says whatever she wants, whenever she wants. Awkward silence? She'll say what everyone is thinking and rid them of either the awkward or the silence, but never both. She's a rule breaker a good amount of the time, but not because she is a really bad person - just because she doesn't like being confined by judgments, expectations, and deadlines. The thing with expectations are that they are either too low, or too medium for her. The fact is, if she had it her way, expectations would not exist. When you have expectations on you, it is that much harder to break out of and shine, even if she still manages it. She likes to go above and beyond, and being confined by anything simply doesn't work for her. Then there are judgments. She doesn't give a damn what anyone really thinks of her - she could care less, unless she cares a lot about those people. The only thing is, judgments are like expectations - most of the time you only live up to them and you never exceed them, and most of the time, they are far too low to amount to much. If something gets canceled, she won't mind. She isn't a big person about anxiety, at least not on the outside. There are those occasions with those people she cares for and does all she can, and feels hurt when they do something, but most the time she has gotten use to it. Her motto is "Expect the worst, but keep hoping for the best: then you will never be disappointed." And along with that, you also won't be a pessimist (or an optimist) but who really cares? Not Sarah. Through all the crap in her life, it is a little bit understandable that she might not be optimistic at its fullest, or she might not care. If she wasn't how she was, she would be hurt a lot worse.

There are those people that are so far "out there" that when you are around them, you notice you are constantly saying a long drawn out 'anyway'. Sarah is one of those people. She will make you feel awkward when she is being dead serious. Will make you laugh when she is stating a fact, and she will perplex you when she is being at her most simple. That is just who she is. She is a complicated and perplexing person, and often hard to figure out. If you can solve the puzzle that is her, you have some serious powers, and that also means you have a strong clutch on her fragile heart. How she dresses is never the same, and most of the time can't be classified, and isn't even considered matching, yet she pulls it all off. She'll be punk with a little bit of random one day, and the next be plain, with shots of color. You never know with her. It is the same with how she will act on a certain day. One day she will be serious and talk about the mass questions that consume the universe, and the next she is as silly as ever. You never know what you are gonna get with her, so the saying "What you see is what you get" definitely does NOT apply to her. There is more than meets the eye with Sarah, and when you are around her enough, you will soon see that. Look closely though, she'd a puzzle that is hard to figure out, and a few pieces are bound to be missing or gone. Don't think you will ever fully solve her, because no way, you won't.

It might seem stupid for someone to be as secretive as Sarah is, but in her case, it is necessary. Mostly her secrecy comes from her inability to trust people, or to trust that they will accept her. If she can avoid trivial differences, and people disliking her- then she will, not that she actually cares if they do, it is just better that she doesn't have them on her plate as well. Some of her secrets are large, and most the time, she even keeps them from her closest friends. Like her being pregnant when she was a freshman, then her being an alcoholic, and also her rapes. Somehow, as silly as it may seem to someone else, she feels the blame is all on her. Others will say that the rapes are definitely not her fault, but she feels like it all the time. No matter what someone says, that belief is still there. So to keep them from repeatedly trying to bash it into her head, she simply keeps it a secret, or if they know about it, she agrees with them, and like with everything else, fakes some strength and belief that she knows (or at least believes) she doesn't have. The hiding her pregnancy wasn't her reputation, but again for the fact of how people close to her would think of her, or respect her in other words. That and she didn't feel that after all the times she was disappointed, that she could go around and disappoint everyone who cared for her and believed in her. It wasn't fair. She never wanted to be the cause of that type of feeling for anyone. It wouldn't be right to her. Hiding the alcoholism came from shame, but not for her reputation, mind you, no, because she had gotten addicted to something so life-ruining just like her own drug abusing mother had. It hurt to think that after all this time of fighting trying to be like her mom, in a lot of ways, she ended up just like her. She ended up having sex too early, getting pregnant (even if she did lose the baby) and then also got addicted to something that is illegal (at least for her) and that she knows isn't good for the life she wants. For all of this, she keeps these secrets. Mostly because if she says them out loud, they make them far too real for her to possibly handle, and then she will break. For good.

As cool, calm, and collected Sarah might seem, she is anything but. She's carefree but not completely. All of that calm , cool, and collected stuff (and the being carefree) is only the shell of the very complex girl beneath. It is bad enough her 'shell' takes a whole lifetime to figure out, then there is the even deeper, much more confusing inner self that takes an eternity to crack, and that is only cracking the surface. Through all her life, she has experienced so much, that most days it is hard for her to go on. She seems happy and without any worries, but that isn't how she is deep inside. She is depressed most of the time, and her mind won't let her realize that. She'll feel happy, yet ache, and have no idea why she feels that way. So many things have punctured, bruised, and ripped her insides apart that they are beyond repair - especially that of her heart. She had gone through bad relationship after bad relationships. Some were good, but ended horribly - that is one stab. Then some were bad all the way through - those are a few stabs in themselves. Every new hurtle at her at her emotional balance, and there are more. And for most people, they recover from theirs, and so would Sarah, if they had the time to heal. Right when one thing is thrown at her, another is, thus keeping the previous pains from healing. She tries to be tough, and the one thing you will hear many of her friends call her is strong or as her old best friend use to say "my rock" because whenever anything was going wrong in someone else's life (no matter how messed up Sarah's was) she didn't talk about her own problems. No she kept them inside, figuring there would be more time to talk about all of hers later. There never was time. It was one friend after another needing help, needing a listening friend, someone's shoulder. It seemed the only available shoulder was Sarah's, or at least, it was the only one anyone ever seemed to want. So there they were, all her problems, piling up, pushing deeper and deeper inside of her, and not because she wanted to bottle them up, because she had to - to be strong for all her friends, and all her family. For her little brother, and all the people who believed in her. She had to be strong, or she felt she would show weakness, and no one would think the same about her ever again. And there was never a way to let these pains come out in small doses - they were so piled up, that at the absolute worse times, they would come out in very large doses that would kill anyone else, and ruin their emotion state. Sarah is strong, but she doesn't believe it. Not at all.
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( I MUST BE SLEEPING )
the history

[/color] father:[/b] None of which to speak.
But he was where she got her being a faerie from.
Her family knows nothing about her being that way either.
x. mother: Cristie Mason – 36 – Unemployed – Mother - Human
x. siblings: Marie Anne Maddison - 21 – Nurse – Sister - Human
Austin Mason – 6 - Brother - Human
x. other family: Cara Dalton – 59 – Superstore Employee - Grandmother - Human
Trevor Dalton – 61 – Retired - Grandfather - Human
two uncles, one aunt, three cousins, various other family members, two nephews, one brother-in-law
x. significant other: None
x. hometown: Esperer, New York
x. history:

Sarah had to grow up extremely fast, much more so than she should have had to. It all started with her conception. Her father, at least by her mother’s stories (which are never what they are said to be) raped her mother – nine months later, a beautiful baby girl was born. The thing was, if you asked her grandparents, it was a completely different story, but the thing was, both perspectives were warped. Her mother was insane and a drug addict, and her grandparents weren’t exactly that into her mother’s life. It was hard to know what was true. The only truth Sarah knew was that she had no father, and if you looked at her birth certificate, it would prove that. Under Father’s Name, it was blank. Sarah, although always wondering what it’d be like to have a father, and be a daddy’s little girl, but the thing was, she considered herself fortunate to not know all the details, because it made her feel like a mystery, and everyone liked mysteries, as far as she knew. The other thing was, Sarah was not the first little miracle. Before her had come her sister. Her siblings are half siblings, but they were never raised that way, since they all three came from the same mother, and they had all only briefly been around their fathers – if at all. Besides, the eggs in the mother are the children, and the sperm only fertilizes them. So they would always have been siblings. Sarah likes to call her ‘father’ a sperm donor, or egg fertilizer. Like always, she puts humor into even the touchiest of subjects.

Sarah had always lived with her grandparents in some way – such as spending every weekend with them, and then actually living with them by middle school. Her grandparents were good to her, and the thing was that she had to be away from her mother, who was a drug addict, and also bad at picking men. At the point before middle school, Sarah was almost taken away by the government. To combat this, she decided to go live with her grandparents. Even at this point, her mother still tells people it was because where her grandparents were, there were good schools – and that might be true, but it was never the reason she left. It was because her mother made horrible choices. It was hard going from one school, to another that only one person in the entire school had been to the one she was from before. It didn't take her long to get in with a group of friends, and find her place. When she got to what would be high school, her group of friends began going their separate ways and formed into a much larger group. On a far branch of this group was a guy that was clearly no good for Sarah. She didn't want to be with him after she had gotten use to him and how he was - he cheated, he was rude, and he only cared about himself. He came over to her home one day, and he pressured her into having sex with him. She couldn't have fought any harder because he could have raped or killed her, so she gave up saying no and trying to keep him from pushing her.

She thought the mistake was over, she thought she would have to worry about it, until she started getting sick and having weird symptoms. After consulting with a friend who she trusted more than anything, and getting a pregnancy test, she had found out she was pregnant. The thing was, she lived with her grandmother who had high expectations of her, and who also didn't let her do a lot of things that she didn't feel she needed, and who always wanted things a certain way. She wanted Sarah to graduate, and that didn't involve a baby. Sarah kept it a secret from people, yet somehow it had gotten around the entire school, and to her boyfriend who supposedly wanted to do the right thing, yet he was flirting and touching a girl right in front of her. Sarah was emotional with the pregnancy, and that the father of her future child was being unfaithful. It was true she didn't love him, and even more true that she didn't want to stay with him - but she wasn't going to have her child be without a father. After a week, almost two of absolute aggravation, she broke up with him. She took it hard that she would have to do this alone, and she had still not told anyone in her family. A few weeks later, she started to bleed, and bleed heavily. She had lost the baby. And it was right around that time that she had accepted and loved that she would be a mother. It was over, and it left a hole inside of her bigger than anyone could imagine.

She still, after all that, never told anyone in her family. She also got into another relationship her sophomore year, early on, and she cared for the guy. They had sex, and she thought she was pregnant again because of the symptoms, but never found out for sure. But she had never been. Her and the guy broke up for the most ridiculous reasons, and she wasn't very hurt by it, but she wished she would have stopped making so many mistakes with relationships. She also got heavily into drinking alcohol and went into a never ending vortex of parties and alcohol. It took her a while to recover, but eventually she stopped, only having small relapses here and there, but none so severe she couldn't come back from them. Her life had been complicated, so when the opportunity for a nicer place to live, and a brand new school, she dove at it. No one knows about her past with her pregnancy or problems with alcohol, and no one has to.
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( SOMEBODY SHAKE ME )
the ability

[/color] random secret:[/b] -admin edit-
x. roleplay sample: other apps and threads, yes?
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