you make me BREATH [kat]

[eli]

Elijah had a lot on his mind. When there wasn't a lot on his mind, he would worry, because it wasn't normal. Mostly, however, only Kat was on his mind. He realized how hard it was to want to be with her when he could hurt her so easily. Why couldn't he just resist? Why couldn't he just have simplicity. It was bad enough being a vampire, but when it kept you from being with the one person you knew you would ever love, what could he do? He couldn't be close to her when he needed to stay away. This was his reason for coming out here. He just needed to think, and to stay away from her and that beautiful scent that intoxicated him every moment he was around her. It occurred to him that they weren't together, but in his heart, he knew they were meant to be. He still wondered if she felt the same, but their 'relationship' was hard, and any true relationships would be even more difficult. She didn't know how far their decisions together might reach - but he did. Kat wouldn't be able to understand all of his actions, and he certainly couldn't explain. It was becoming harder and harder, like the first time he stopped needing to breath - but he still did. It was hard to get out of the routine. It is hard to get out of his routine of keeping his secret to himself, and he was afraid of telling her. He was sure she would think he was crazy and for the most part he kind of was.

[powieoob]

Kat sat on the old tree stump, it was covered with moss that her fingers were absentmindedly picking at for a good while. Things were way to complicated, Eli decided he wanted to speak to her now, and hey, great, not run away. And there she was waiting for him. He never made things easy, he kept so much from her, especially himself. How could you act and say you want a relationship with someone if you couldn't even commit? He boggled her mind and made her utterly confused. Brushing some dirt off her light jeans she pulled her large open sweater around her, the white tank top now hidden. Letting her mind wander as she sighed.

Then she thought of Italy and winced. Pietro. Don't get me wong it was a good time, but it was a fairytale. Or a more erotic version of one...Sighing she knew that it really hadn't been anything more than fun, spontaneous fun. She thought of those moments here and there, but Eli was what she mainly thought of. Even if he did know, it wasn't as though he'd be able to say much, they weren't together. Kat huffed and pushed her hair behind her ears.

[eli]

Elijah wasn't sure what or how he would explain anything to Kat. He knew about her time in Italy, and was horribly depressed at the thought. As much as he thought of her as being his, he knew it wasn't completely true. It was too hard to try to talk to her and be around her, more or less ask her to be with him. He did want to be with her however, more than he could have ever believed. Relationships were complicated enough, but adding in the fact that you could barely resist the blood of the one person you want to be with made it nearly impossible. Elijah would never be able to live with himself if he even slightly hurt her. It was hard now just to live with the fact that every minute he was around her, was a minute that he wanted to suck the very life out of her. If he could take back ever meeting her to protect her, he knows he couldn't, because living without her is worse that being a vampire - which is something he hates, and has only lived to deal with so he could help others, instead of hurting them.

He walked towards the spot they always seemed to meet at, and there she was. He didn't get to close - instead he stayed ten feet away looking directly at her. Her back was half turned to him, so he cleared his throat so she would know he was there. "Kat..", he said, unable to say the few words he wanted to say (Tell her you missed her.. God.). He couldn't seem to make himself say it, mostly because he didn't think she would be too happy about that. Saying something like that would confuse her - he could understand. He hadn't asked to be with her, hadn't tried hard enough, and then saying he missed her, that would either make her mad, or insanely confused, both of which he wasn't wanting to do. He needed to warn her, and objectively. "You can't .. You can't associate with people like Pietro. Or... me. You're safer if you don't." he said, wincing as he said all of it. That meant he wouldn't be able to see her - to be with her. But he was more worried about her being alive, about protecting her.

[powieoob]

Why did he do this to her? Constantly playing games, messing with her feelings. She knew she didn't deserve this from him, even Mel, her best friend, had said she deserved a great guy. Here she was in the middle of the woods with a man who thought it was okay to just pop in and out of her life whenever he felt like it, her love life was a mess, her life in general was a mess. Especially when she heard Mel was getting married. She was happy for the girl, there was no doubt there, and she liked helping her out with the planning but man...It sucked being the only one around her that seemed to be alone.

Standing up, she crossed her arms across her chest. "You have a lot of nerve you know that...?" Kat was angry, and she was sure he'd known that when he came here. " You can't just waltz in and out of my life telling me what I can and can't do or who I can or can't see." How'd he even known about Piertro? She'd only told Melanie about it. "And if that's how you feel, why are you here Eli? Why are you bothering? Your wasting both your time and mine."

Part of her had missed him yes, despite the bumps in their relationship, or lack there of. "You take off and dissapear and I'm supposed to do what, exactly? Sit around and knit waiting for you to show up at my door?" Sighing loudly she looked around the woods about them and tried to calm herself down some, "Don't keep popping into my life if you don't plan on staying around."

[lex]

Elijah felt horrible as the sting of her words hit him. It was hard being this close to having a chance with her, but then crushing it so easily. His heart was screaming at him to just screw all of his fears and worries, to get past whatever his mind and body were trying to push him to do. Every part of his being knew he was suppose to be with her, but his constant fear of hurting her propelled him to ignore his every hope and wish. His heart was deep in conflict, wanting to push her away for her protection, but also to keep her close so that he could better protect her, but more so that he could actually be with her. Elijah loved Kat, as odd as that might be to anyone else, he did. Maybe they hadn't actually been together, but his bond with her was still forever eternal.

He pushed through whatever logic he had formed, whatever reason he tried to stay away, and only saw what he wanted. "Kat, you don't get it! I want to be in your life. I want to be with you, but god, you just don't understand it. You aren't safe. Being with me would only put you in danger. And then associating with people like him? Why can't you trust me?! All I want to do is protect you. I l...I care about you. And I don't ever want you to get hurt. Especially because of me." He was a little hysterical at this point. unable to hold back most of which was at the front of his mind. He had only managed to stop himself from saying one thing. He loved her. Saying that would make things worse, which seemed to be about all he could do anymore with her. Every move he made to keep her safe and protected only made everything that much worse. Eli needed to leave her alone for good if he ever hoped to keep her protected, but how on earth would he ever be able to do that. Every part of his heart yearned to be close to her. He couldn't leave her...he couldn't. "I want to PROTECT you, god damn it. Katherine! Why can't you get this? Why are you constantly searching for answers? Do you HONESTLY believe I would be doing all this to you - to me - if I didn't have a good reason? I am being honest with you - as much as I can. I'm not safe for you."

Her words hurt, but it forced him to do something he knew with all his logic that he shouldn't do. The problem was, right now, his logic was pretty much gone. He pushed forward, making the space between them disappear, and he kissed her. He held his breath as he did so, trying not to let the aroma of her blood get to him. He needed to prove to her than she was all he cared about - all he thought about. "I've never meant to hurt you. I'm sorry that I have. I ... didn't meant to. he said after breaking away from the kiss. He took a few steps back, avoiding her eyes. He felt horrible. And he had probably just screwed up everything. How could she not feel like he was messing with her mind? He had done nothing but contradicted his every move and word. How could she ever believe him? Could she love him enough, or at all, so that she could understand?

[powieoob]

Kat couldn't bring herself to do anything but stand there and watch him vent. That was until he kissed her, and her world turned into a blur for the few moments their lips were touching. She found herself trying to obsorb every inch of him through the kiss. His lips were soft and cold, yet electrifying.
And her world came crashing back to reality as he pulled away from her and she opened her eyes, "Eli..."She spoke completely confused now that everything was being processed.

She felt a lump form in her throat, why could he possibly play with her like this. "Is this fun for you Eli? Do you enjoy messing with my emotions?" Kat was angry once again, "You tell me that you can't be around me, that for whatever reason you can't be with me. Then you kiss me? What's that about?" She snapped, "Maybe I should just leave? Find someone my own age or whatever, someone who isn't 'dangerous' to be with." She made little air quotes with her hands, sighing exhasperated.

[Mara "Lizzy" Myles]

Elijah was an idiot. He wasn't protecting her at all - he was being an idiot. The thing was, he was making the very mistake he promised he would never make. He promised he would never do what Edward did. And yet he had. He had pushed away the girl he was meant to be with for her "protection", and it was stupid. He couldn't believe he had done that. After all this time, he thought he was doing the right thing, but yet he was making everything so much worse. The look on her face tore him apart, but not near as bad as her words had. She was right. He was messing with her, whether he meant to or not. "No! Not at all. I don't want to mess with your emotions. I want to know if any of this could... nevermind. I can't explain what is wrong with me. I'm an idiot - isn't that good enough?" he asked, confused by all of this.

"I'm an idiot. I think we can both agree there. Your safety doesn't mean I have to be out of your life. I'm sorry." he said, unable to say anything else. If he could explain every thought for her in his head, he would, but she probably wouldn't give him the chance. That was the thing. Elijah could easily explain everything, and risk everything, but not only could he not - but she probably wouldn't give him the time, and at this point, he in no way deserved it. He had been horrible about all of this, and was ruining every good thing with her that they had or could have. For someone who had lived longer than he admitted, he was certainly not the wiser. It was time Elijah grew up, and years wouldn't accomplish that.